Aparna’s Weekend Musings on Life – Series 13 – A Woman’s Musings!

                                                            Pic courtesy: Google images
                                                               

Every year we celebrate women’s day celebrating women empowerment, be inspired by those women who have achieved great things and we get special discounts in retails, restaurants and many more. But why does a woman have to fight for her own voice in many families still? It stems from our family system, some age old myths and practices.

“Most women are searching for freedom within families not freedom from families. They want to find the ‘I’ within the ‘We’ as they navigate the world inside and outside their home. – Deepa Narayanan”

I use the context of patriarchy to describe the power relationship between men & women, as well as to find out the root cause of gender inequality even in mindset.

Patriarchy is a socially-constructed system where a male has primary power.

In the patriarchal setup in Indian family system, women are assigned the more "menial" tasks, which are constantly underrated and undervalued by men. A woman’s whole identity revolves around caring for children, cooking, washing, cleaning and caring for the family.  This was the mindset many decades back and is still prevalent in lot of families.

 

A young child is highly likely to grow up with an over involved mother whose existence is defined by the child; a father who is out making a living, taking decisions, getting involved in more important matters of the household like finances - activities where a woman does not belong. The fathers are typically not very involved in the child's upbringing leaving the mothers to handle. This is what the child sees and is familiar with.  Also young girl children are often suppressed and not allowed to talk in front of adults or freely express their opinions in this family system and this forms a stereotyped thinking in the young male child on how to treat women.

 

At the very least, the boy from this family structure grows up to be a man with some serious dissonance when he sees women living life for reasons other than having a baby, raising a child or cooking and cleaning. Though he accepts a girl studying in school / college along with him, working in his office. The problem arises when he gets an a woman with progressive thoughts as his life partner. He cant accept her as his equal, how can she take decisions, get into debates and express opinions in front of him or his family?

 

But there is more. This person can go through a difficult and unsettling process of individuation or lack of it psychologically. Individuation is an important ongoing psychological process that every person goes through as it enables the separation of an individual from his/her primary caregiver and defines who they are as a person. The process begins when we are toddlers and continues through life at various stages.

 

In the case of most of male population in India, the individuation from their mothers doesn’t happen in a healthy manner nor do they go through the healthy stages of individuation in their later life. To a large extent, Indian society praises mothers whose whole purpose of life is serve to her grown up sons even in her old age. Their identity revolves around this, creating an excessive interdependence between mother and son.

 

Many women sacrifice their personal pleasure and ambitions, sets standard of morality, relieves stress and strain of her family, maintains peace and order in the household.

 

There are some positive shifts. Challenging patriarchy is something that has been happening for generations, and it will probably take many more generations before it can be eliminated.

However, there are many ways we can push back against the system of patriarchy. 

I believe a lot of patriarchy can only be broken by mothers. By them cultivating an identity for themselves and living lives that don't just revolve around their strict gender role. They don't necessarily have to destroy the family structure that we are used to, but they can certainly break the excessive interdependence between mother and child.

Some questions to help the family system to think progressively:

·         Do we really think men and women are equal? If yes, how can we start implementing it as a family? If no, why not start now!

      Why don’t we teach children of both genders to treat each other with respect?

·        Why should only girl children be scolded for talking back to elders or be suppressed to express their opinion right from young age? If talking back to elders is not a good habit, shouldn’t boy children be taught that too? Shouldn’t children of both genders be taught to express their opinion? Isnt that progressive for a family?

·         Why shouldn’t a woman live her dreams without being the mythological superwoman who handles her household responsibilities too? Doesn’t this society excuse men who are climbing the corporate ladder or the entrepreneurial business ladder? Why not ask them to be superman and handle household responsibilities too?

·         Can we start equal sharing of household workload in every family right from planning meals to cleaning the house?

·         Can we stop pushing off the entire responsibility of managing the house to mothers? Yes they do take the load willingly for their family but can we start sharing their workload a little? Homemakers work tirelessly yet their efforts are never recognized, appreciated & always undermined, can we change that as a family?

·        Can we consider a women to be equal in the corporate world and start paying her equal to men?

·      Can we stop undervaluing a woman’s work experience because she took a maternity break?

·        Can we stop judging a woman for her looks, gossips unnecessarily about her or judge her? Can we stop doing to other women even to those whom you have never met or comment on social media? Who are we to comment on how an actress or vj looks or talks? Isnt that body shaming too?

Freedom for a woman is like oxygen for her soul! A Girl or Woman Can Be Two Things: Who & What She Wants! No one can repress a woman unless she holds back herself. Her freedom or servitude is in her mind!

Regards,

Aparna Subramanian

#women'sdaythoughts# #a woman;s musings#