Aparna’s Weekend Musings on Life – Series 12– Imperfectly Perfect!

 

“A Diamond Depends On Its Flaws For Sparkle. There is No Need for You to Be Perfect to Inspire or Impress Others.Let People Get Inspired or Impressed By How You Deal With Your Imperfections!”

 

You are not bound by your past because of who you were!

Let go of your past mistakes, decisions, let go of what you could have been, let go of thinking how you should have behaved! Your past strengthens you but it doesn’t define you!

You cannot change the past experiences, opinion of others or what they thought of you or how they behaved with you!

But YOU can start over!

You don’t have to apologize to people that wont listen! You don’t have to justify your feelings or actions during a difficult phase in your life. You don’t have to deal with people who are insecure and want you to fail!

MOST IMPORTANTLY ACCEPT THAT THERE WILL BE ALWAYS SOMEONE WHO WILLINGLY HURTS YOU, PUTS YOU DOWN, GOSSIP ABOUT YOU, BELITTLE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS & JUDGES YOU!

The smallest mind often comes with the biggest mouth! Small minds cannot comprehend big spirits. As the saying goes Great Minds Discuss Ideas, Average Minds Discuss Events and Small Minds Gossip & Discuss Other People!

You cant change them but change yourself! Maybe you can stay away from them or stay at a distance! But don’t let THOSE PEOPLE make you feel Worthless or in any way below them! Even if you are compared with someone else, don’t let that affect you or your worthiness in anyway!

When You Dream BIG, people tend to mock at you, assure you that you are bound to fail, review and criticize your every action, gossip about what you are supposed to do or not supposed to do!

All You have to do is walk forward with a positive outlook, trust God has a greater plan to utilize your full potential! Trust that you have the power to reimagine your boundaries, break glass ceilings and start with a fresh and positive outlook, believe in yourself, work hard like crazy!

It is okay to fall down at times, get hurt emotionally but learn to rise back again with renewed strength and courage. If people are pushing you into flame of discouragement, don’t be someone who fell in that and becomes ash! Be a Phoenix, Burn and Rise from the Ashes of your mistakes or pain or shattered dreams & start fresh! Be that mystical phoenix that rises from ashes of its predecessor forgetting everything and starting life fresh!

The real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go! Learn to hang on to positive thoughts, confidence, self-respect, good values and let  go of your fears, insecurities, hurt, pain. Forgive those words hurled at you not because those people are worthy but because you deserve to be free in your mind!

There is no shame in being imperfect because your imperfections make you unique! Being different has the power to change perspectives and history shows how unique people have created a huge impact in this world!

 

WHAT IS PERFECTIONISM?

Perfectionism is often defined as the need to be or appear to be perfect, or even to believe that it’s possible to achieve perfection.

SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE A PERFECTIONIST

Most people engage in perfectionism from time to time or in certain areas of life. People who are nearly full-time perfectionists may feel the need to achieve perfection constantly. They might also:

Despite your search for perfection, you never feel perfect.

You cannot accept and celebrate your success or others.

You don’t allow yourself any mistakes. View the end product as the most important part of any undertaking. As a result, they may focus less on the process of learning or completing a task to the best of their ability. 

Not be able to perform a task unless they know they can do it perfectly. Not see a task as finished until the result is perfect according to their standards. 

Procrastinate. People with perfectionism may not want to begin a task until they know they can do it perfectly.

Take an excessive amount of time to complete a task that does not typically take others long to complete. 

You put up a front insisting that everything is perfect.

You avoid taking on challenges that may cause you to fail.

You believe that your likeability is linked to being perfect.

WHAT CAUSES PERFECTIONISM?

Many factors can contribute to whether perfectionism develops. A few include:

Frequent fear of disapproval from others or feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.

Mental health issues like anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). While a correlation between OCD and perfectionism has been found to exist, not all people with perfectionism have OCD, and not all people with OCD are perfectionists.

Having a parent who exhibits perfectionistic behaviour or expresses disapproval when their children's efforts do not result in perfection. Some parents may encourage their child to succeed in every area or push perfection on them to an extent that can be considered abusive.

An insecure early attachment. People who had a troubled attachment with parents when they were young may experience difficulty self-soothing as adults. They may have trouble accepting a good outcome as good if it’s not perfect.

People with a history of high achievement sometimes feel overwhelming pressure to live up to their previous achievements. This often leads them to engage in perfectionistic behaviour. Children who are frequently praised for their accomplishments may feel pressure to keep achieving as they age, which can also cause perfectionistic tendencies.

If you feel you may have traits of perfectionism that cause you daily distress, know that perfectionistic behaviour and habits can be changed. It is possible to learn healthier attitudes about your goals and standards with the help of a trusted, compassionate therapist.

It may also cause stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. People who strive for perfection out of feelings of inadequacy or failure may find it helpful to speak with a therapist and this can often help people manage excessive self-criticism.

How to Be Accept Being Imperfectly Perfect:

When we’re caught up in the pursuit of achieving the perfect body, finding the perfect mate, landing the perfect job, or being the perfect person, it actually hinders us from seeing how beautifully our journey is unfolding right before our eyes.

Perfection detracts you from the incredible life path you’re on and prevents you from seeing the gifts that are always in front of us.

 So the next time you get caught up in the endless pursuit of perfection, here are three things to remember:

1. Perfection isn’t attainable.

We try so hard to achieve an ideal in our lives that is next to impossible. There really is no perfect body, perfect job, or perfect life. It isn’t possible to have our lives be happy, joyous, and 100 percent problem free. Unexpected tragedies happen. Something doesn’t turn out as you hoped it would. Someone you love disappoints you.

When you understand that perfection isn’t actually something you can achieve and maintain forever, you can let go of the never-ending quest for your job, your body, your parenting skills, or your relationship to be perfect.

Letting go of this unattainable goal is a huge sigh of relief. We don’t have to try to be perfect, because it’s impossible anyway! Once we relax into the idea of letting go of perfection, life becomes easier, less stressful, and a lot more fun.

Perfection leaves little room for error and joy, and while life can sometimes be messy, it’s during these times where we learn and grow (and have some adventure along the way).

2. Perfection isn’t authentic.

When you’re always striving to be perfect, you miss out on showing the world who you truly are. In the drive to be perfect, you never allow yourself to be vulnerable—to show up and let yourself be seen. You think once you reach perfection you will find approval and acceptance. But since the pursuit of perfection is an endless chase, the approval and acceptance never comes in your mind or heart. It was only when you have the courage to find the inner acceptance of yourself along with your imperfections you feel truly free.

It isn’t easy or comfortable but it is incredibly freeing. You might feel vulnerable when you begin to express your honest opinion to others, voice what you needed or wanted, follow your own preferences instead of what was expected of you, and show more of who you are to the world without hiding, it gets easier and easier.

Your imperfect self is enough. Allow yourself to show up in the world as you are. When we’ve demanded perfection from ourselves for years, it can be scary to let go of our ideal and let the world see us as we are. But this is where your true, authentic self resides. Not in perfection, but in bringing all of who you are to the world.

3. Perfection is stagnation.

No one is meant to be perfect in any area of life, whether it’s your body, relationships, personal growth, habits, or your career, because in a “perfect” world, everything is stagnant. There is no growth and no evolution. It is only through mistakes, missteps, and experimentation that we learn and grow. 

If we always follow the “perfect” path, the path without risk, without chance of failure, and the path that felt safe and easy, we never would have any life-changing personal growth experiences.

Many people who are striving for perfection in their life path, want to plan it all out and have it go exactly how they think it should, end up missing out on some of life’s best surprises and most meaningful moments.

It is a refreshing way to view life. To allow ourselves to make mistakes is a relief, whether it’s messing up our food plan, getting into a fight with a family member, expressing emotions to a close friend and having it come out all wrong, or experimenting with a new hobby knowing you’ll likely mess up trying to master it. It’s these “mistakes” that allow us to incorporate feedback and chart a new course.

If we’re constantly striving for perfection, we end up missing out on the lessons we most need to learn. In the pursuit of being flawless, our eyes are always looking three steps ahead of where we are. And as we’re consistently living a few steps ahead, we end up missing out on life’s most precious moment: now.

Perfection isn’t something you can achieve because it doesn’t actually exist. So the next time you find yourself striving to be a more perfect version of yourself, remember that the flawed vulnerable you is imperfectly perfect.

Imperfectly perfect is rather what we all actually or what we consider ourselves to be. We all have flaws just stitching them together with good intentions make us imperfectly perfect. People get inspired from how we deal with our imperfections rather than just pretending to be perfect. 

Surround yourself with more people who appreciate you for who you are! 

Signing Off,

Aparna Subramanian