Aparna’s Weekend Musings on Life – Series 5 – Emotional validations

 

Aparna’s Weekend Musings on Life – Series 5 – Emotional validations

Why do we look up to others to get acknowledgement or approval? Because being acknowledged by others makes us feel more accepted, secured and loved. As a result, these acknowledgements make us to perceive ourselves as valuable, desirable, esteem-able and in short: feel special.

 Each of us dream of standing out, being admired or acclaimed. To be considered by others as average or adequate really doesn’t do much for our ego. This is due to the fact that as a society we refuse to celebrate individuals except when they are judged as exceptional. As a result when we hear drums banging for someone else, we get irritated or jealous because that is the drum roll we long to hear for ourselves.

Acknowledgement and appreciation increases our inner sense of worth. Such external approvals are a necessity for those of us affected by self-doubt. More than often such acknowledgement or appreciation or recognition does not or shall not happen due to many reasons. It is best for us if we don’t take to heart. It is important for us to learn to appreciate ourself whenever you feel you have exhibited talent, skill, behaviour, selflessness or behaved generously.

Ask Yourself??

1.     Are you happy with who and what you are today?

2.     Do you base your level of self worth on how others have treated you in the past?

3.     Do you recognize the difference you make around you? This helps to have a better understanding of your place in this world.

4.     How often do you complain about things in life?

5.     Do you know who you really are?

Why Do WE Look for Emotional Validation? Why do we feel low in our self esteem?

It could be because of Recognition deprived upbringing

We could be Highly Competitive with a fragile ego

Or just Believing every negative thing about Oneself: People with low self esteem tend to believe every negative thing about themselves. They see things about themselves others don’t see while at the same time, making up things that become real to them. What you need to do is to go back to your past and start unlearning those different behaviours, thoughts,actions that keep you bound in chains. All those things you think others see or say about you are not important. The things you feel and experience are important but they are in the past. Wipe the slate clean and begin by honouring the good things about you. Appreciate what has happened to you and see that it is a part of you, not all of you. Your past doesn’t define you. Learn to treat yourself with respect and dignity.

How Unknowingly Parents Destroy Self – Esteem of their Children:

1.     Comparing children to siblings or other children

2.     Criticizing a child’s innate abilities, temperament or characteristics

3.     Requiring conformity to parent’s specifications

4.     Continuously harping about mistakes

5.     You wont get it or you don’t have the capacity to do it

6.     Children’s careers planned with parent’s dreams instead of the child’s interest

7.     Evaluating a child’s intellectual capacity based on marks

8.     Zeroing in on negative characteristics

9.     Never praising

10.   Demanding blind obedience

What to Do?

1.    To Feel confident without anyone’s approval means loving oneself first and knowing one’s own self worth.

Recognize that seeking approval or appreciation from others comes from emotions and beliefs that arise within us.

 Try to understand why you are seeking approval: Ask yourself before turning to others for approval. “What do I think about this?” Then “Why don’t I trust my opinion in this matter?”. It could be that we are seeking approval because we are uncertain or certain or just we want someone else to like us or accept us. Understanding the motive behind your need for approval is an important step in overcoming it.

 Learn to accept oneself for who you are. Eliminate Self criticism and look at positive self compassion.

  Show self love : Be kind to yourself as you are to your friends. Do kind things for yourself, practice self care, let others love you, practice self compassion and forgiveness.

 Start a Compliment Jar : Whenever you feel you have accomplished something good. Write a compliment to yourself and put it in the jar. Remember to not to let this get to your head and make you feel over confident.

  Keep a Journal

 Become Aware of your Negativity

  Stop Judging Yourself and Others. Give yourself and others around you the benefit of doubt and a few chances.

 Try to accept Criticism : Accept both positive and negative criticism and try to change those behaviours or habits you don’t like about yourself.

Regards,

Aparna Subramanian

CEO & Founder,

Transformational Business Solutions