A Tribute to Kamatchi Paati - who left us on June 10th 2020

Kamatchi Paati - The Meenakshi of Our Hearts

 

Kamatchi Paati left us feeling empty yet full of emotion thinking of her and recollecting her memories!!

I shall always remember you as the Kamu paati with silver in your hair and heart made of gold!! Though I have known her only for 4 + years but I am happy to have shared good memories with her and have enjoyed the friendly banter between her and my husband – her first grandson.

I don’t know how many people really know that they are lucky to grow along with their grandparents in the same house. I had been lucky enough to grow up with my grandparents and so was my husband and his sister.

I remember the second time I met her was during my engagement. She hugged me, cried and told me “I held my grandson in my arms when he was a baby, he is now all grown up. Both of you should live ever happy”. At that time I felt so moved by her affection. And she had happy tears during our wedding.

She loved all her four sons and their families equally but made many of us feel that she liked the other better than you. Initially I was confused, I thought maybe she didn’t like me much but it took me a while to understand her way of love. She reminded me of a teacher who used to say to us that yours is the worst class I had ever seen, this teacher used to say the same dialogue with every class she meets and say you are the worst batch. Like that she always spoke highly of others to us and highly about us to them. It definitely took a while to understand that she loved everyone equally.

She also had a way of bonding with each of her grandchildren in their own way. She made each of them feel they were the most special but actually all of them were her favourite. She bonded through friendly banter, music, stories and so on. Whether a friend or relative teased a word about her children or grandchildren she gave back sassy replies. She was highly protective about the entire family.

She was a real hi-tech paati. We used to call her that. I had never seen any paati use ipod, ipad, mobile, youtube, Carnatic music app, whatsapp, video calls with ease as her. She used to ask any of her grandchildren to repeat how to use it until she gets the hang of it. The best part was that she maintained each device with separate chargers and ear phones. She meticulously put the charger & earphones in their respective boxes when not in use.

I have heard a few stories from my mother in law on how Paati used to give interesting ideas in 80s to invest in buying cars and renting it out to earn extra income, have separate savings account – credit a certain amount for maintenance of the house every month. She said this amount can be used as fund for painting and other repair work so we wont feel the sting of a huge expense when it comes. These ideas may seem common today but imagine even thinking about it in the early 80s. I was amazed by her thought process and depth of knowledge in managing a home – a real homemaker.

Paati once narrated me a story about an incident that happened when she was just married. Thaatha had left to town where he was employed and she was with her in-laws in the village. A week passed and thaatha’s brother got angry that thaatha didn’t come to village to move her to town. She said Thaatha’s Anna told her to pack a few things to run a family. The next day morning he drove her in a bullock cart straight to thaatha’s office called him and said you had enough time to find a place to live, if you had lot of work to do it is not my problem. I am dropping off your wife, take good care of her and he left. Thaatha was stunned, he had to find a house immediately and move in. She told me this story and said sometimes we need to push the men in our family to do things else things wont get moving.

Even a couple of months back she surprised me with her knowledge of Shark Tank – an investor show. Shark Tank is a reality TV Show in which aspiring entrepreneurs from around the world pitch their business models to a panel of investors and persuade them to invest money in their idea. Not many of my entrepreneurial friends have even heard of it but she knew about it and asked me when I am pitching for it. She stunned me that day.  My only regret is that she could have lived another decade with us.

She held onto tradition, customs and family practices yet she ate pizza, pasta and maagi with us. She followed her rules yet bent them depending on the people, place and circumstances. Whenever I ask how are you, Paati, she used to reply Sadharnama irrukkuen ma! I guess I understand the depth of those words now! Though her name was Kamatchi she was the real Meenakshi of our home and our hearts – Ruler of Hearts.

She taught me an important lesson for life::: “It is not the years in your life that counts but the life in our years that matter the most!!”

If I can be 30% of the ever curious, assertive, sassy, determined, strong and confident woman she was, I would be the most successful person anyone could ever meet!! I hope to be!!

Bidding adieu with loads of love to you Kamu Paati,

Aparna Subramanian